Saturday, May 31, 2008

Dear Kinetic...

Forgotten me, did you?
When did you realize I was not there anymore? Paranoid memories of why I left in the first place came back and made me run again. I didn't mean to make you cry, it's just how I have to be. Hard. I'm a good person tho, and did so with positive intent. It's best for both of us, you know.
Besides, I see you smiling. You're happy. We both are. Five times I recalled your pout and that funny way you would say *monkey.* Charming. All good thoughts... the bad times forgotten somewhere deep in a shoe box covered with stickers, under gum ball machine toys, bouncy balls and newspaper clippings of adventures others have had.
What happened to the Scooby Doo purple? Did you leave it behind after a thunderstorm? Makes sense to me.

I wrote you a story backwards last night. It had a happy beginning.

Friday, May 30, 2008


*Parlez français?*
*Je pense que vous regarderiez très gentil dans mon lit*
"I understood that."
*Oui? Ooh la la. Pardonnez moi. Hi hi hi!*
"Dirty ole pervert."

Yeah, he understands English.
And I understand a lil French.


Oh, there you are. Ummm... where'd you go? Mind if I... Oh, ummmm oh, yeah... Sorry, didn't mean to... No, no it's no problem. I understand. You just keep... I'll be over here if you want to... Yeeeeeah...

Over here

Today's Ballad: Electric Alice

Thursday, May 29, 2008

beg your pardon

giggle giggle



I'd rather you beat the shit out of me than fuck with my head. At least I can see the need and attempt to defend myself.

Today's Ballad: Burned

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Alone, with too much generosity
A theatre mask of hostility attracts
Assaults occur, infrequently
And those who come, to conquer?
Need strength
But damage accumulates
Still moving him to tears
Retained a sense of humour

Today's Ballad: Sugar, Matto

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


I felt your weight in my sleep, but felt nothing in my dream.

In dream you were present, in sleep you were not.
Quite a confusing situation to stir in and out of.
Which way would be preferred? Of you? Of me?
It best, probably, for neither. But the vie of both exists.
(Tho, neither wish to admit it.)
I guess all that can be done is what is being done... nothing.
It was better before. But it was also torture. I got one thing with the other.
But the good was so damn good... as the bad was so damn bad.
I suspect it isn't over. And I hope I am correct.
Curiosity may destroy us both...

...but oh what a wonderful way to go.

Rumor mills

I heard that you did what you said you would never do cuz doing what is said was done was really not something a person like you would do no matter what cuz that's just not like you to do such things that are said you have done. Did you hear that I did what you are rumored to have done tho it's just not in me to do such a thing but apparently it is in me cuz that's what I've heard.


Sober up...


Being in the know is a very dirty place.

Monday, May 26, 2008

And now...

It is time to go play in the garden of earthly delight. I just hope I don't stub my toe, trip and fall into the weeds.

Red Hook Garden


Are you making the music to mention the moment that makes the thought of the feeling of the past flood the mind and create a frustration that can't be contained and so touchés come back at you?

Cracked Up

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Sunny Afternoon

Day Loner

I could tell that the moment it happened I was doomed. But I love such troubles - keeps the blood pumping on high speed and makes for nice additions to my jaded cynicism. Gives me opportunity to say *fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck* more often too.

It didn't intentionally come about as it happened. and I do apologize if it was offensive. I meant it not to be. (Ok, well, maybe a little.) But you did ask for it, so I gave it to you. Don't be disappointed. I meant it - every last moment of it. I could have done without the dirt, but I suppose it is to be expected in cases like this.

Everyday, you asked me if I knew the reason you asked the questions, but my reply was always the same, and met with great disappointment. Can I help it if I cannot read your mind and supply you with what you want to hear? I do sincerely apologize, but it's just utter silliness for you to assume such obligation on my part. I do find you quite fetching, tho, and do intend to find out the answers of my own. fear not and hold great patience. Ziggy will sing.

Now, you will have to excuse me as I extinguish this conversation and frolic outside in the sunshine and dodge the bullets - trying to ignore the state of affairs in other places.

Doomsday is fast approaching, and I feel the need for a smile or two.


A friend told me about you, tonight. How quick you went away. How long it's been since you've been gone, and how... how I have never, nor will ever, see you again. The last moment of your face is burned to my brain. The smile in your eyes, the pain in my heart. There seemed to be so little, but there was so much. I didn't realize either until you were gone. If I could, I would suffer forever so that you did not. You're missed. And needed. If only you were here, now. These tears would fall for different reason. Your smile would be in my eyes. And there would be no pain in my heart. I hope wherever you are, you are. Happy. Rested. Relaxed. Loved. For here, you are missed.

Me and my Da

Friday, May 23, 2008

dear imbecile...

you: You should hurl a moon pie my way
me: I think I heard my brain sneeze just now
you: Ok! I just heard the voices again, they're having a puppet show
me: Huh? Oh, ummmm... I dunno - just another murdered brain cell
you: Nervous twitch goin on...
you: If you could lick anything for the rest of your life, what would you lick?
me: So, ummmm... yeah, criminally insane I think
you: Two reasons: ummm, cuz I said so and cuz you better
me: I just wanted to make your head explode
me: The need... the urge... the constant want of... a moon pie
you: Nipple

My 3-day weekend plan...

Today's Ballad: Dark Globe


...cuz, when you're off you probably can't tell that you're off. So, for me to assume I'm not off and that I'm really on, then I could be thinking this with an offness that I'm not aware of and that would make me even further off, cuz I think I'm not off and that I'm on, but I'm really off on top of the off that I'm already off on.

No love

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Today's Ballad: My Love - Nick


You came into my mind last night when I was cleaning it out. I had forgotten the words you had said, the actions you did, the lies you told, and the acceptance I gave. But your return brought it all back to me.

We fell into a crevice and slowly tried to climb out. You got ahead of me. I found myself losing my grip and falling back down deeper into it. You didn't turn to help me. You kept moving up, not even turning back to see if I was following. When I hit the bottom, I looked up to see a small speck of you reaching the light and climbing out. I could hear you dusting yourself off. That's when you noticed I wasn't there. Faintly, I heard you call my name, the polite thing to do, but with no conviction, concern or intention of really wanting to find and help me. Rather than trying again, I just laid there on my back, looking up at the slit of light and your shadow standing over. Then you moved away. For the longest time, I stayed there, til the night started to move in and dim the light of day.

I find myself still lying there, somewhat content on just staying as is. But I see my mind climbing, fighting with all its might to reach the top... a little curious if you are there. I know you are not. And I'm kind of glad about that. Did you leave to not return, or to get a rope to lower down to me? No matter. I'm in this alone and only I can get myself out. I've tried to always avoid needing someone else's help when I get in sticky situations. I certainly don't expect your help. Nor do I want it. Please don't be there.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Squiggle lights of tug boat & cranes

The idea was torn up when the realization was made that the critter just wasn't going to be a beast.
Or was it vice versa?
No matter, the crow looked down and saw the jack of spades claiming innocent to the fractured earth and it's chantey way of procreation with the clover flower.
So, instead, we gathered our photographs and set off in pursuit for the Moroccan equator and it's band of jolly gawkers.
Following the days of bitter feet prancing thru the icy trail of thistles and paper dolls, it was observed that there really is little sense in the known, and much sense in the unknown IF and only IF you don't think too hard on it.
But as we are merely pigeoned, we thought too long and hard on it and found we were more confused about the status of the red mark on the star than we were on the decision of burial at the cliff.

Today's Ballad: Hurra Torpedo

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

This That Way

Morning Glories... They'll be here soon.
Originally uploaded by vaduzuvunt

A constant change of what, why and how.

I dig it, I hate it.
I'm up, I'm down.
Stay the fuck away, No wait come back here!
You're amazing, You suck.
Fuck you, Fuck me.
Maybe it's the dynamic, Maybe it's the lack there of.
Maybe it's you, maybe it's me.

We have 'em, We wear 'em.
It's just we're usually wearing the opposite ones.
Occasionally we get it right, but most of the time we don't.
For me tho . . . it's all a mix.

I'm insane, I tell ya! Crazy mad insane!
I wanna be one way, but tend to be another.
Wanna be strong, but find I'm weak.
Wanna be less intense, but just can't help myself.
Wanna take, but always give.
Wanna have, but never hold.

Fucking sucks, it does.
The honest truth is, it's not about you.
It's not about anyone.
But I make it so.
It should be about me.
Selflessness and self-imposed.

I know what to do, just typically choose the opposite.

My fault, not yours.

Monday, May 19, 2008


I didn't want to be where when who why I was, but made due. My mind chased down the who where when why I wanted to have be do see, but still I was as I was when where why how. If opportunity had shown itself, I would have flung myself to the then there thou thus, but nope. Didn't happen. Now I wait for the moment to have see be do, but ain't too sure when where how it will happen.

Sunday, May 18, 2008


I'm missed my place. I figured it was somewhere between the 3 and a firebug, but turned out it was under a rock breathing in the moist, grey air. I had to wait patiently for you, but sitting on the rock in which you are beneath doesn't exactly make it easy for you to come on out of there. So, instead I wandered the path to a grove of thistles and watched the cat ranchers do their round up. Somewhere past the valley and lighting fixtures, I saw my place out the window.
When you were done with your dust off, were found and ready, I took you by the hand and, with a quick jerk, we curled up and rolled down the hill into place, laughing hysterically all the way.
Arriving in place, you asked me *What was that? How did you do that?* to which I could only reply *I don't know.* but, I was finally in place.


Swift move
Originally uploaded by vaduzuvunt

I couldn't believe the size...
And to hear the noises spewed was just so unmistakenable. I think there's a connector missing to let the frequency advise properly what is and what is heard. Despite, I saw the brightness of the flowing and was convinced the venetian title had something to do with it. Someone could have told me this was going to happen. I would have had more time to prepare for the needle and move out of the way...
But, that didn't happen, and I found myself painted green and wishing it were blue... or red. Depending on the time it took place.
Did I fail to mention that it was in the early morning hours when the flinging began. It didn't end until well into the night, when the decimals started to deminish and everyone could move freely without concern they'd be speckled with musical notes and hermit crabs. If only we had time to prepare. We could have called it all off before the gnats started their dance.

Despite... I still love you.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

watching all bug-eyed

You know, I saw that. You didn't think I did, but I did. you should have known better than to expect such a thing to go unnoticed. What were you thinking? Oh, that's right... you weren't. You rarely do. When are you gunna learn that it's always gunna be that way? It's how it is. it's how it always has been... and will be.

I saw you. You didn't think I did... but I did.


The creative moment when the tree split and the bird took off for it's morning tryst sheltered a thought of procrastination in the most proactive way, but the apology didn't come. So, the boy sat there wondering if the fog would turn his green red or if it would just become too itchy to matter either way. Instead, the forgotten mule fell over and saw a shade of curious disappointment in the fractured moon that made literally no sensical commentary in defense for the promised light of shadowed argument...
And I said to him *I really enjoy watching the lights of the train come into view down the darkened tunnel as it approaches me.*
But he didn't understand that it was only a minute of simplicity that caused a hiccup in the world's plan. So, I wandered off and looked myself for a green goodness that would make me smile and recognize that the mule never fell, only laid himself down in the yellow of the tree's bloom.


as the girl lollygagged thru the rain, she found herself amidst, in the middle of within, a swirl of little things that most of the world misses out on. the dog winked at her, cuz he saw it all too. the tree shook a downfall of big drops, tickling the nose and make others run for cover. the workmen were spied cooking hotdogs over their blow torch under their tarped territory. a little girl shared her ginger cookie with the girl and said *red* as she pulled on her hair.

but the best was the umbrella taking flight. not just any flight a normal umbrella would take. this umbrella was without its pole, and when projected up into the air, it flew up three stories and slowly twisted, turned, swirled and danced its way down, spinning itself to its own symphony.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Rules of Walking

Ok... for years, I've endured the ignorance, but now I can't take no more! This city needs to set some ground rules, and they need to be posted on every subway train, platforms, and listed on those stupid TV monitors at the tops of the subway entrances. We're a city of 8 million, and then some, with all the tourist coming and going. Let's work together people!


It's not difficult people. We just have to THINK. Common sense! But, since some people are less equipped with such sense than others, I'll spell it out for you:

Walk in the City like you would drive anywhere in America!

You're in America!
There's no need for millions of people to constantly dance with others they clearly aren't interested in dancing with. And, being a girl who can't dance, and seeing as Murphy's Law always gives me some dipshit to dance with - I think this is one rule that should definitely be enforced. I won't inflict my moves on anyone if everyone just walks to the right!

When coming out of a store, don't just walk right out into the side walk where there's already people moving to and fro. Come on! You wouldn't just drive out in the middle of an intersection or merge onto the interstate without looking and yielding.
Also, when exiting stores... What causes a person to walk out onto the sidewalk and just stop? Does the brightness of the sun or the falling of the rain or the moon in the sky surprise you and cause you to be like a deer in headlights? Don't do that. There's a whole building right behind you. If you want to step out of the store and stop, step out and to the right or left and stop next to the building. You wouldn't just drive out in the middle of an intersection and decide there which way you want to go.

The only time there can really be a valid excuse is if a person drops something. If you suddenly realize you're going the wrong way, a friend of yours tells you something shocking, something or someone catches your attention, you forget something and need to turn around - don't just stop right there!

For all of the above actions, particularly in number 3 - the least you can do is look behind you and see if your impending actions will disrupt the motion of another. Simple as that!

I ain't cop, but if I was and I saw some jerk swerving and veering, I'd pull him over and see if he'd been drinking. (Actually, I wouldn't cuz I just don't care enough. But the point is...) When walking, try and make it a straight line. Stay on your path, and out of others'!

I always end up finding myself walking up the stairs behind one of these people. You get to the top and just stop and stand there. Yeah, sure you may be trying to get your bearings - but you can do that if you just step to the side (again, next to a building is a great spot!), and figure what you wanna do then.

Move move move!!! Don't just stand there talking with people, figuring out where you want to go or where you are, or just look up gazing at the buildings. Do all that out of the way of the walk way.

On the interstate, the rule is - if you're going to drive slower, stay in the right lane so others can pass you on the left. This can apply with walking. The busier people can move around you, and you're less likely to have a collision with a stopped person standing to the side. (Like a stalled car on the side of the road.)

Nearly everyone has experienced a motorcycle rally. It can be a little thrill to see them cruise by, when you're just wandering about. But if you're stuck in your car waiting for the police escort to allow them to pass, it can be a bit annoying. This being said - come on groups! Let's not all take up the sidewalk. Share! If there is more than two of you, let's try staggering a bit so you leave plenty of walk space for the rest of us.

While New Yorkers have been pigeon holed to be not-so-nice, it's bull shit! We are a very nice people - so long as you're not in our way. It's not that we are all about ourselves. Most of the time, especially during the work day, if we're out and about, we're moving form Point A to Point B and have to get there quickly. If you follow the above rules, it helps us out greatly! (And keeps us a nice people.)



I don't know if you're aware, but you left this behind. I took a peak, I couldn't resist. Quite the collection you have in there. Little bits and pieces of this and that... Not really a value to others, but I'm sure it's priceless to you. I kept it in a safe place... even moved it to a safer one after I took that peak. I hope you don't mind.

At first I thought to myself that you were cuckoo, but then remembered who I was thinking about, and it all made sense. But not. But does. You know what I mean.

Also, while I was at it, I added a lil piece of me. Not too much, just a piece. But, you know there's always more should the loveliness continue. I put it in the corner, beneath the rest of them. You can barely see it, 'less you're looking for it. And it really doesn't take up much room.

Afterwards, I took a nap. I kept it close by, cuz I was just so fascinated. Fell asleep looking at it. It's just so interesting. Then I put it back. But now... here.


MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Thursday, May 15, 2008


Originally uploaded by vaduzuvunt

I could sit and look at you for hours.
And I did so, many a night.
Tho alone, it was never lonely.
Because I had you there every time.
Occasionally, I gave our moments to others.
But nothing like what I had,
Could anyone ever feel.
You gave me more than I could ask for.
You were my therapy.
You're missed now that I am no longer there.

Yeah it's like this today.

I don't feel so good.
It's the day after...
But I'm sure I'm still drunk, right now.
I thought I just saw a bird fly thru the room...
And I tripped over nothing.
Sneezed inward, if you can believe it...
Fell asleep while standing up.
Christened a rock as my pet.
Then chucked it at a moving van.
Thought I remembered a forgotten...
But realized it never happened.
I gave you a whirl.
You gave me a shot.
Found a shiny nickel in my pocket...
Along with some lint, part of a staple
And an old peppermint wrapper.
She's pregnant over there.
Looks like she could pop.
A girl. The plan. Tho not confirmed.
Didn't see the weewee, tho...
So she feels petty safe to say.
We shall see.
You don't know how much I love him.
You really, really don't.
He sang a song to me once.
I have the picture to prove it.
People hate other peoples' love.
They just don't understand.
The moustache is perfect right there.
I hope it doesn't go away.
God I need a cigarette...
But I think it will make me sick.
A drink?
Why, thank you...
Don't mind if I do.
But... wait...
I have to, I mean.
Nah, I think I should pass altogether.
Yeah. I can't drink no more, no more.
I can't drink no more.
I told you... I'm still drunk.
For sure.

Oh Mimi...

Guinness makes me forget... literally. I don't remember what I did. I hope you enjoyed it. I hear it was quite the sight.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

photoshop you

I didn't really understand it until I stepped away. I took a good hard look at what was before me and realized it wasn't what I thought it was. It was just an error in judgment on my part and I would either have to edit it.. or delete it. Delete is an easier way to do it. But, you already know that. I prefer editing, tho.
You can better rather than destroy.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Makes no sense

If you were to say that this is why, but continue to prove that it isn't...
To tell me you are one thing, but prove to be something entirely different...
To speak of your own honesty, but demonstrate such words are only lies...
To express such lightness in an intimate moment, but shadow it all once that moment is gone...
To be so sincere in what frightens you, but fake your own bravery the rest of the time...

Then how is anyone to truly understand and appreciate you for all you know you can be worth... But, you just haven't seen it in yourself yet?

How can I be your friend?
How can I want to?